Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
