Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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