you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
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i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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