my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
that is very illegal...i love you.
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