her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
