with your own penis?
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
