After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I don't deserve a penis
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
