Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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