Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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