I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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