Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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