Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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