I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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