I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize