we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
