Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Randomize
