it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
