we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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