no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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