wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
