So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
