Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
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