My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
