a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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