i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
