So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
