god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend