hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.