Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.