I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
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She's never allowed to turn 21 again
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
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I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night