I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
we're making bets on your personal life
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
