We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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