tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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