My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
