I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
