why didn't you poke me back
Can Purell be used as lube?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize