A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
