don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
His nipple licking is glorious
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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