that's an acceptable place to lick
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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