I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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