Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
