I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
