Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize