A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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