So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
