She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
NoShamevember. You game?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
