just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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