There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
