new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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