Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
