just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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