I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
