fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
