the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
