Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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