She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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