Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I just found puke in my bra..
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
