I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
