i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Randomize
