forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
