i don't plan on having that self control this summer
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I don't deserve a penis
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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