When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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