Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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