but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
