I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
wow bdsm is so cute
Randomize
