he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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