yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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