I think I died a long time ago.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
