I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
