So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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