yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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