This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
