i just had sex bonerless
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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