Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
He felt like a one man threesome
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
